Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Kissing Goodbye was never so exhilarating….

Walk in the Clouds flash warning (this is a ticker running thru the screen, I am not spending time in getting that ticker thingie on, but that's how i wanted it to appear:)) : One of the posts contesting against my own set records for the LONGEST CLOUD PATCHES…if you have walked upon the clouds by an error click, here's a golden chance to hit escape!

Does fear show up when you would have ideally loved to do it? Does fear show up each time you want and attempt it? Is it a set boundary? Who set it up? Does it film your thoughts each time you want to release and dissolve that boundary set in your head…Well, these were the questions thrown at me sometime back and cheerz to that moment, I decided it was high time and more than time up to confront one of my biggest fears.

Felt often, that in some cases, it’s more easily said than done and it occurred to me each time I wanted to break open from this fear, which I realized I was actually holding on closely to. Each time someone convinced me to try it out and I thought I should and get off this mind block of fear, there was something drastic that pulled me back and I trusted this freaky instinct or rather it monopolized my thought process. Don’t know how it took birth…there was no specific instance though…

Not a fear of being judged nor a fear of saying the truth…Its something I had tracked long back, accepted it, but never managed to confront head on...Its about the fear of heights, referred to as 'Acrophobia' in real terms. Played a rather nasty role in my life…nasty in the sense I never could enjoy heights even though I loved the beauty in it, it was this fear that curbed me most of all. Felt horribly sick and uneasy being in shackles of this feeling but it requires lots more than that to overcome it .. When I visited lovely locales on heights and refused to look down the edge to enjoy that beautiful feeling of standing there experiencing the carefree breeze hitting and admiring that view…enjoy that exhuberent feeling of being on top of the world! Cliffs scare me to death…while others enjoyed it, much as I would have also loved to! For the love of doing it, I would hold on to someone for my dear life and stand there for a few minutes and give up with a dizzied feeling left behind…motivated by Fear!

Looking down from heights while in aircrafts, glass cube elevators or looking down from the 17th floor of a room that is secured with glass panes from top to bottom - I enjoy but when it comes to looking down from top of heights where it is open ended, boundary less with nothing to secure you, that's where it creeps in…for e.g. Those various peaks at Mahabaleshwar referred to as 'Points' …that is the scary part, where the phobia kicks in…looking down from there creates a weird feeling in my stomach, a huge vaccum…it’s a horrible feeling in the head is all I can say and the role it played was crucial... To a certain extend it drained out the passion in my life. It's not that fear is a terrible thing but somewhere it started controlling me on this bit !

Actually DOING IT
It all happened on the last day of a 2 days ‘Leadership Forum’ I attended. These Forums bring in quite a lot of excitement in our organizational set-up. To start with you have the opportunity of interacting various people spread over countries lots of knowledge sharing and of course you gather useful chips that immediately gets into head and you absorb it like a sponge and the rest of it of course to throw off the window as soon as you are out of the session. Well, there were great ones on a loved feeling "Success"..very interesting pieces actually, group discussions, presenting your ideas etc. During one of the exercises we were made to list down Fear Factors..well people had different fear factors, which prevented them from opening up ideas, coming out with out of the box thinking, being bold to express novel ideas, fear of being rubbished, fear of failing, fear of being judged and so on and so forth…and I listed mine too, honestly..

Any ways fear factors discussed…debates et al happened. In that group of all of 35 members, I was the only one with this typical fear factor…neways I thought it ended there..knowing little what was going to hit me later…

The end of our Leadership Forum was a mini ‘Rappling’ exercise with gears and professionals to set you up on that adventure and cheer you up, if you really required it. From the seventh floor of a building terrace walls to the first floor terrace. That was supposed to be a fun venture ending for two days of a knowledge sharing platform..Well, the thought of it gave me jitters and I anyways made a master plan to wriggle away… I sort of procrastinated on anything that I don’t want to do, I started off with this one too…. Now that the team members and the faculty knew a bit of each member in the team, they took it easy too, left me at it, I was all excited to see the other's doing it and typically screaming wooowwwww, cooool and this one really resembles Spiderman n all of that blah, laughing it out, while suppressing my own fear…Well, all good things don’t last forever, no? Only some do and this exuberant feeling of enjoying others at it didn’t last too!
Bottom line..none of my tricks seemed to click!

34th member of the team done with his adventure on rappling…the last one left HAS TO do it too…since there was a fear factor involved there was lot of sensitivity too…either it was holding on to it and living with a unreasonably sick feeling or conquering this one time and getting over it once and for all... Finally, I made up my mind. You can imagine the scene with people coaxing, convincing and cheering and the lump in my throat and my eyes almost heavy, butterflies nowhere around but rambling in my stomach…didn’t leave back an iota of strength and guts I possessively held...booted and got belted to strings…made up my mind actually (did that once more)…that moment helped me go one step beyond my fear factor…I looked down from there and I could only see colleagues who had encouraging looks down those 7 floors…the first move was to let go off that support of the terrace walls and hold on to the string and get my hands off the wall, I was so close that I didn’t want to look back now…it took me about 15 minutes to get over that meta-anxiety…that feeling of being scared…the conviction to embrace fear…deep breaths…keeping calm and a moment to cling on to the rope………….….….
I was there and I knew I was going to make it this time...

It took me 15 minutes to make up my mind after being belted and to take that first step but the rest of the drop was just pure exhilaration…

It just takes DOING IT...It was all in my mind….kissed that feeling Goodbye and chucked into the big sea
Treks, Mountain views & hot air balloon rides (always loved these adventures)…Here I come with the warmest bear hug:))

Friday, April 25, 2008

At the beginning...

Wasn’t a touch,
Nor a look ...
Was unveiling souls thru testing times,
Entwining hearts yearning in silence,
Cherishing dreams for each other,
Striving to see happiness in the others eyes,
Moonlights heavenly grace in closeness,
Endless divinity in walks under twinkling stars,
Musical sound of rains in the still of the night,
Mystic of sparkling mountain streams,
Feelings flowing along endless river,
Desires lit up in strange delights,
Tender n tantalizing,
Renewing passion...

It is trust that never deters,
Something you can’t part with,
Something never choosen,
Something that simply happened inspite of all odds,
Reminding that nothing else really matters,
Something that cant be explained yet to remain,
Formidable fortress of love n care with radiance divine,
Adorable to outlast everything…
On a road to keep goin on,
A crazy adventure,
For each other when the world stops turning,
To remind there's hope,
Always a start..
Till the end...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Dreams to sell...

Red glow traffic signal powers on,
Deep red rose bunches string held,
Blooming smiling florals in fragile hands,
Bright they were against dusty traffic maze,
Rich so much like warmth on a winter’s day,
Glances caught of her held a few moments,
A brave beauty,
Lonely she seemed,
Wistful she strode,
Standing out against a drab watertight planned day gone by,
We toil for sky high dreams to live on…
She toiled just to sustain life for another day...
Wonder I did at that glimpse…
Flowers she sold for survival,
Trapped in life’s schemes,
Compromises may be for a quarter day’s supper,
Intriguing tired pair of eyes,
Did they also have a dream once..
Were they created void and expressionless…
Were they shattered by the day...
Did she shudder at the thought of night..
Did she sell her dreams...

Monday, April 21, 2008

A Haze..thru' teary eyes

Eye lids drop, your face to see,
Tender smile appears to fade,
Heart instils tears,
Melting sorrow n bliss like snow in flames,
Crystal drops gently rolling down...

Take a deep breath,
Summer winds rush thru' panes half open,
Your fragrance is all that's absorbed,
Again a gentle smile appears only to fade,
Crystal tears gently rolling by...

As I listen carefully, hear your fascinating voice,
Once more a fading smile,
Crystal tears come gently rolling by...

I don't move cauz I can feel your cozy arms,
My world's around me,
Curled in the warmth of togetherness,
Eyes closed dreamlike,
That smile transpires again,
Innocent heart showers, emotions tears,
Eyelashes give away,
This time they refuse barriers and flow seamless...
Can't stop these drops rolling down…

Rained and rained,
A hazy view,
Delicate n tender,
Fragile spider web thru flickering lights,
Tinted rainbows u saw in them n precious pearls they were nicked,
Priceless cuddly hugs coming along,
A fondle on those cheeks laden with drops,
Could hear your heart speak soft love,
Snuggled in the circle of your affection,
Tears love shed,
Precious and you never wanted to loose them,
Treasured them,
You called them yours...

Thursday, April 17, 2008

A feel away...

A poem in every bloom,
A sonnet in every blossom,
A lyric in every brook gushing over hard rocks,
Alluring chivalry in tender embrace of butterflies' n soft petals,
Graceful vanity in greens surrender to the wind's serenade,
An ode in every nuance as wonder unlocks love...
A tale in every lifetime
Just for the soul to discover...

Gentle rhythm in every sound n every beat of the heart,
Enticing romance in the kiss of sky n cloud,
Enchanting, gentle and passionate,
Strange mystic in every union,
Soaring pain in distances...

There's wonder in every new life created,
There's sadness n regret for unsaid and unfeted,
A ear for music you cannot hear,
A strain for melody that's so far n yet so near...
Creator’s wonder,
Magic of divine,
A feel away…

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

On that rippling note ….

Flowing n gliding,
Unbeaten paths,
Footprints for newer ones on journey,
Choices from right n the easy,
Thru the journey...

We'll walk along these roads,
Rain n storms, smiles n tears to encounter,
Glittering waters coupled with violent seas,
There aren’t rainbows without showers,
There's no healing before we face pangs of pain,
So will be the path…

Those days when nothing's right,
Feels lost and life's unfair,
Comfort each other in affection,
Forever thru,
To love each other over n over again,
Together hand in hand facing each curve n bend on these thousand miles,
Thru the journey...

Treasures of a life to share,
Blending with these bright one's the darkest depths of sadness too,
Unconditional trust to share.
Sharing warmth on those endless nights n chirpy mornings,
Sometime looking back at those wonderful memories,
Simple, beautiful, everlasting,
Musical moments ripple…

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A New Dawn...

When harsh life takes a toll n the cold world takes a score,
When gloom and despair cuts through rest,
Pitch darkness thrown over,
Feels like the sky will explode in scary flashes,
Waves leap over the walls in leaps n bounds,
Stormy clouds hover like there's no tomorrow,
Heavy breaths collide,
Thoughts like a violent sea between shores,
Tears held captive waffle thru eventually...

Then a ray of light seeps in,
Reinstates once again that darkened skies are never permanently cloudy…
A heavy downpour is all,
It really does not rain more than it should…
Darkness around flees in a moment with glimpse of the smallest light,
Light that shines,
Like smiling sands in Oasis,
Reminding that Life's not a mirage,
Some where awaits…
A new dawn…

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

A Handful of Sky

Night dressed its best,
A lady in black,
Sky scattered diamond stars,
Few of those sequined a veil over her,
Rest a chain woven like dew pearls adorned her neck,
Full moon glitters radiance,
Lovelorn romance,
Spreading charm over,
His lady love to behold…
A little space of heaven,
Angels of night ceremoniously bless,
Sea of a million thoughts,
Embers of fire,
Heart devoured and drowned,
Time stands still..
Awe and wonder,
Watching the silent romance of night..

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Its Magical...

Smell of dry parched earth,
Yearning falls of clouds,
Blazing air,
Touch of a lill butterfly brushing by,
Yesters soft blossoms drooping in sun,
Dry crisp leaves strewn over,
Its magical...Don’t let it wither off, untouched

Feet on tender dew spreading its charm on new born grass,
Cold breeze with a slight hiss,
Heralds the arrival of rains,
Laughter tickled on leaves,
Tender petals quiver,
Lill singled drops of water on window panes after rains,
Mingling with each other one by one to form a stream,
Rippling sound of moving waters,
Nature's ways of adding music to love n life,
Waking up to a birds song,
Nudging your loved one n sharing a dream,
A treasured feeling of home,
Its magical...Don’t let it wither off, untouched

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Incredible tiny glows...

There's a world deep inside me,
Refuses to open up easily,
Only mine,
Secret desires,
Passions wild,
Unseen and uncontrolled,
Flows deep like an unbound ocean,
I possessively hold dear...
A world I have sure to share sometime,
Otherwise, how could I be sincere to myself…

There's a world deep inside me,
Refuses to open up easily,
Secrets in the labryinth,
That world I have sure to share sometime,
Otherwise, how could I be sincere to myself…

There's a world deep inside me,
Refuses to open up easily,
So strong and determined,
Somewhere in that world,
Along the dark tresses, tread boldly,
Incredible tiny glows of brightness...

Monday, March 17, 2008


Engrossed in the whispers of the woods,
Watching angel clouds hit mountain tops giving birth to maiden raindrops,
Feeling gentle strokes of wind n soft raindrops delicately brush away,
Watching the violent waves passionately kiss the shore,
Coming back for more like its been holding passion endlessly,
Experiencing golden sand grains wriggle away delicately,
Watching the celestial serenade of stars in the wilderness of night..
Getting lost in the isolation n peace in darkness......
To go down the memory lane,
Nostalgically gathering carefree moments of childhood,
Feeling that aura of inner self, so natural,
Hear soothing words that the soul speaks......
Its ecstasy,
Its pristine,
Solitude n hearing the enchanting music of silence is blissful n most peaceful...

Friday, February 22, 2008

Drenched in the music of her love...

As she lay on the bed, in that hospital room, just them and the needles that pricked mercilessly into her wrist, drops trickling into her blood each second the clock ticked, she knew she was to go, he would never let her...
He would never cry with her lying right there, battling each minute, he was her strength and she, his life...
They worked out life together, saw happiness and ambitions come true....always wanted each other to be a part of the shared journey of life...
If he wanted to work out options in his life, it was with her
If she wanted to live every moment, it was with him...
Their love simply defied everything, so naturally...

Suddenly, she broke the silence,
While she looked into his eyes...
He wanted to keep looking at her because he never could take his eyes off her,
But, this time he lowered his eyes because she always perfectly read his mind...

She asked "will you do something I say"
He was at loss of words and there was this sudden urge from somewhere inside, he wanted to cry aloud..
But, he held on for his love...
"Hold me" she said, her eyes twinkling light
He softly put his hands around her,
She said "hold me, just hold me to your heart and all around me"
He was careful, the needles were at her wrist this time...
"Thank you, Thank you for loving me like this, for sharing my life and for making it ours"...she said

Those were her last words to him...

He thought to himself, while all the tears n wetness in his eyes, he held for so long,
just flowed like a river with no bounds, once and for all.....
It stays forever, he thought....love stays a life time...

She'd left behind two pairs of eyes, their first born, twins God desired, since she couldn’t have it another time..their bundles of joy, just a few days old, one of those happiest days of their lives when they first saw their own wonders,
A bit of him n a bit of her...
For him to love them, all his life and for them to love him always...cauz they both loved kids and that was what her parting gift of life for him !

The rhythm of her breath, feel, only he could,
The beats of her silence, interpret, only he could,
Like tender flowers bathed in mild showers of rain,
Dew drops woven like pearls,
Life's soft blossoms,
Chirping birds, bringing along the liveliness in her laughter,
Her heart n soul rained life's love,
Linger, it did,
He remained drenched in the music of her love..all life

(Pic - as she watched the sunset today, in midst of those moments when I took my eyes off the monitor...excuse me for the 'not good 'clarity of the pic, thanks to my cell phone cam )